First the TV, then the world
by TheInternetGoblin
Summary: Our favourite demigods decide to infiltrate the modern world...via TV. God help us all.


***waves***

**Hi.**

**I need to get out more. Like seriously.**

**Anyhoo this is a parody (duh ermergerd) and if any of you have seen MAN VS. FOOD (Fat American guy eating obcense amounts of diabetes disguised as food? Ringing any bells?) it will probably help you understand this a bit better.**

**Now anyway on with the-**

***Nico pops up* **

**What about the disclaimer?**

**_I hate you._**

**You don't own me. And you never will.**

**_Shut up you little *****_**

**Disclaimer: No. **

**I don't own PJO or HOO or Man vs. Food.**

**I know. It's tragic.**

**Now I'm going to shut up and actually get on with y'know letting you read.**

**Au revoir! **

"Hi! I am in the lovely little village of Manchester, and of course there's only one thing I can be eating if I'm in Britain!"

Percy grinned, ducking under the camera and fishing around (No pun intended. Nah I'm lying, I totally intended it.) and popped back up in the view of the camera, a greasy bag of fish and chips dangling from his outstretched fingers.

"I'm going to be completing _The Queen_: a tower of five ten-pound battered cods stuffed with ten and one quarter pounds of chips!"

The camera-man winced in empathy.

"Now lets get down to business!"

"So...Victor. How much would one of yusual sale usually cost?" Percy cocked an eyebrow, shoving a microphone in Victor's face as he battered some fish.

Victor looked at him contemptuously,"Fiver."

"A fiver?" Percy flicked back in his memory, trying to remember how to speak British.

Victor gave an irritated sigh and pushed a five-pound note towards Percy.

Percy gave a pained smile, running his fingers over the paper and smelling it before grimacing, then hurriedly smoothing his features.

Victor raised an eyebrow.

"It smells nice!" Percy gave a wide, cheesy grin, subtly pushing the fiver back to Victor who snorted derisively,"Smells of..monarchy."

Victor raised both eyebrows.

Percy started to panic.

"So, Victor, how did you end up in the fish and chip business?"

"M'dad was a fish 'n' chip man. M'grandad was a fish 'n' chip man. M'great-grandad was a fish 'n' chip man. M'great-great-grandad-"

"So what process do you have to go through to achieve the maximum crispiness for you're fish?"

Victor looked huffy.

"I cover it in flour, innit. Then I stick it in a fryer."

"Sounds delicious. Lots of skills there then."

Victor gave him a look of contempt,"I'd like to see you batter a fish."

Percy strained to keep his voice cheerful as he joked in a jovial voice,"Well I doubt sticking something in a fryer would take much effort!"

Victor narrowed his eyes,"Are you taking the piss?"

"What? No, I'm only saying-"

"You're a bloody Yankee! What would you know about fish and chips?!"

"Now Victor, I think you're being-"

"This business is my lifeblood! You have no right to critizice it!"

Percy flashed a quick smile at the camera,"And stay tuned because after the break, I will completing..._the Queen_!"

"I poured my soul into this! Sweat, blood and tears went into making-"

"It's ten o clock at Victor's Fish 'n' Chip and I'm ready to eat!"

Percy gave a thumbs up at the camera, grinning enthusiastically as he looked down at his plate, already drooling with the mouth-watering scent wafting around the room. Picking up a fork, he poisitioned himself, ready to dive in enthusiastically when he froze.

Something was wrong.

There was the pile of crispy, flaking fish squashed messily into a tower, the chips stuffed in the gaps, the cup of diet coke...

Brown fish.

Beige chips.

Black coke.

"What colour is this food?" He spoke quietly, a little hint of venom leaking into his tone as he flattened his palms against the table, his fingers curling up with anger.

Silence reigned in the cafe. A tentative member of the public raised a hand meekly,"Food-colour?"

"It's not blue."

The camera-man sucked in a gasp and groaned silently.

Not again.

"Fish...isn't usually...blue." A tall woman wearing an oversized pair of sunglasses spoke bewilderedly.

"IT'S NOT BLUE!" Percy screamed, bursting up from his seat and knocking over the table, chips splattering the floor and coke leaking acros the ground.

The audience all jumped back as Victor casually meandered out of the kitchen. Percy pointed at him disgustedly.

"This is unbelievable!" He snapped before storming out, shouldering open the door with as much zest as if he was charging an elephant,"And don't expect me to return!"

The camera-man held up his hands in a peace gesture, muttering some excuses as he made a quick getaway out the entrance, flushing with humiliation.

Victor surveyed the scene with displeasure,"That's Yankees for you."

**Next time: Leo's Got Talent.**

**Any suggestions are always welcome!**

**And of course review because you will earn my eternal love. **

**Thanks for reading and bye bye! **

**~Zoe~TheInternetGoblin~**


End file.
